Break Through The Darkness :OneShot:
by ThemSoundWaves
Summary: When Breakdown died, Knockout hid his feelings well, only allowing the hurt to surface when he was alone. He didn't want to talk to anyone, but thats what he needed. He would never admit it until someone decided his emotions were hindering his work, how could Knockout know that the one 'con who had yet to utter a word was just as broken as he was? ONESHOT. Rated T.


**A/N: I don't own transformers. Thank you Storylady for helping me edit this! Enjoy.**

* * *

_I can't get you off my mind,_

_And it seem that I've lost so much time,_

_Crying to myself, wishing I could pin the blame. _

_And I know, yeah I won't ever be the same. _

_All I'm wishin' for- is just one day more... _

_I just want one more day, just a little bit more time._

_That I could spend with you, hopin' time would just stand still. _

_But then, would it keep me satisfied?_

_ It reminds me of all I lost,_

_No I can't bare the thought..._

_ Just want one more day, a little more time, _

_please Primus could you be ever so kind?_

_All I want is just a little more time with you._

_~ A little more time by ThemSoundWaves._

* * *

He never thought he would see the day, never in his entire life did he think he would have to bare the universe without his partner at his side, it never once had it crossed his mind. Breakdown was strong, cocky, and a great friend, he had been at Knockout's side since the beginning of the war, oh so long ago.

Knockout thought he himself would have offlined before the big brute. It wasn't that hard to see; Knockout was a medic, he wasn't meant for fighting, although he could hold his own in a battle against the odd opponent, he doubted he could take on as many Autobots as Breakdown could at once.

He couldn't believe it, he just couldn't, was he really gone? Sucked from Knockout's life like an energon thirsty Terrorcon? He wanted it to be a joke, to see Breakdown rush into the medbay and laugh at him for how gullible he was to actually believe the all mighty Breakdown had perished. He wanted so hard to believe...

But it had been two days. Two long, terrifying lonely days, and Breakdown failed to barge in, and it recently dawned on him.

Breakdown wasn't coming home.

The medbay was too quiet, too dark, he adjusted the lights, but he still couldn't see, he still felt surrounded by darkness, blanketed by the shadows, stalked by the memory files of Breakdown he didn't have the spark to delete.

Knockout wanted to go back to the last time he had spoken to his friend, it seemed like only minutes ago that Breakdown was there, teasing and criticizing him on his looks, smiling without a care in the world, with no clue that just mere hours later, he would be gone from Knockout's life, gone from existence, and he would never see him again.

If only he had known Breakdown was going to offline, he knew what he would have said. He could write a book on everything he should have told him, all the secrets he kept from him, the feelings he was too afraid to share. If he had known Breakdown was to leave him, he would have told the mech the most important thing of all.

He _loved_ him; he had loved Breakdown, more than a just friend, more than a brother, but as a loyal, dedicated lover.

But he didn't know, and now, he never would.

And the others... They carried on as normal, acting as if one of their own hadn't just passed. If it were him, and not Breakdown, would they even notice?

Well, of course they would have, Knockout was their only certified medic, but he wouldn't be missed. And after a while, he would have been replaced, and forgotten.

His spark throbbed painfully in its casing, his digits dug into the medical berth he balanced himself on. Everything was falling apart, he couldn't go on... He, he didn't know what to do...

The red medic closed his optics, holding back the coolant that threatened to spill, he took long, shaky vents trying to keep himself together, to hold onto the memories he had of his once secret lover. But when he opened his optics and caught just the briefest glimpse of the medbay, the comfort he had gained from those memories shattered. He couldn't hold back the pride-less, silent sobs that wracked his frame, shaking his shoulders, turning his tanks, the world before him turned upside down, he was afraid to fall, but he couldn't hold on, his servos were slipping, no one was there to catch him, he was going to drop, fall to his death into the fiery pit that awaited him... Calling out his name.

"Oh Breakdown..." The medic spoke to the darkness that encased him, hoping somehow his words would find themselves to the mech, and Breakdown would hear them, come fighting back from the Well of All Sparks just to say that everything was okay.

It was a foolish thought, but right then, at that moment, Knockout didn't care if he sounded like an idiot. He was talking to the walls, somewhere in his processor hoping Breakdown's spark essence still remained, like a ghost that could hear him, but couldn't respond. He needed his partner, more than he had ever needed anything in his life, his spark needed Breakdown, no one would ever know just how much that one life had- still means to him...

"Why?" His broken voice echoed through the empty room, being the only response, he knew would never get an answer, but that didn't stop himself from repeating the word to the shadows around him, perhaps he was to never to know why Breakdown left him.

Taking a deep vent for what had to be the twentieth time within the hour he had been alone, Knockout turned around to lean his back against one of the many medical berths, he let himself be pulled by earth's gravity, back plating scraping against the stone, a loud metallic screech admitted from the harsh movement, but he sat, uncaring of the silver scratches that appeared.

He cupped his face with his servos, bringing his knees up to his chassis in a false sense of security. He didn't want to cry, it meant he was weak, but he couldn't hold back the demons... The burning behind his optics, the tears spilled anyway, no matter how hard he tried to barricade them inside.

They coated his servos like a broken energon line on a dying 'bot, the blue coolant tears glowed dimly in the low light, as if trying to give the medic reassurance, to lighten his mood... but it didn't work, nothing would work.

And he cried, something he had never done before in his life, he sat with his servos buried in his hands, letting his grief take over as the coolant flooded unnaturally down his white faceplates, making a puddle form in his servos. There was one question flowing through his processor, he wanted an answer, but again, he would never have it.

Why? Why, why, why, _why, why! Why_ was Breakdown offline? Why did he have to leave him like this? He felt so lost, so broken inside; the window to his spark had shattered, glass falling to the ground before him, cracked, mangled, no one would ever be able to fix it. It was impossible to put so many pieces back together, so many shards left dangling by an invisible string, ready to fall should he move.

He felt so _alone_.

He tried to imagine Breakdown siting behind him, arms wrapped tight around his chassis as the mech picked up the broken pieces, complaining about making a mess, but that fantasy ended like the rest. The mech suddenly froze, optics growing dark, his body fading to grey before evaporating in mid-air like boiling water to steam, leaving him alone... Oh, so sparkclengingly alone.

He had never felt so alone in his life, even before he had met Breakdown, -which was a long time ago- someone had always been there, always had someone in his life who he could call a friend, now? He had no one! Nothing! The last thing he had cared for left him. He's gone, Breakdown's gone. Gone. Gone, gone! There... there had to be something... Anything to bring him back...

His servos shook as he pulled them away from his face, with his servos no longer blocking his face from the world around him, the dim light assaulted his stinging optics, he winced, groaned and readjusted them to the light, but they still stung, burned with agony... The agony that Breakdown probably felt as he was dying. Was this Primus' way of punishing him for all the words he left unsaid?

Pit, if Primus was truly punishing him for all the wrong he had done in his life by taking away Breakdown, could he fix things? Make them better? Return everything to normal like all those romance human films? Would he fix things by playing the 'right cards', giving half his spark to Breakdown's body through spark surgery? Or maybe... if he say, joined the Autobots?

No, that was a stupid thought, and he dismissed it quickly. Nothing would bring his lover back to him, no sacrifices to Unicron, no change of spark, nothing would. He would just have to cope, to push himself past.

But as he sat there, helm rested on his knees, optics fighting to see through the underwater blanket of foggy tears that still slept behind the thin glass, staring at the ground through his legs, Knockout placed both his servos on chassis, his fingers slightly curled as if trying to hold on to something that wasn't there. His spark was trying to reach out to a ghost, he knew... he didn't know where to start. He just wanted to sit there, and as vulgar as it might have sounded, let himself rust away into nothing where he could join his lover in the Well of All Sparks.

His digits dug into his spark chambers' panel, causing him to grunt in pain as the tips broke through the thin metal, curling his fingers, he pulled them down. It was nothing too deep, nothing too serous, it didn't break through to his spark, only through the first layer, but for some reason, Knockout didn't think it was enough.

He pulled his fingers out, wincing as a harsh 'sling' sounded through the silent room, followed by the ringing of metal against metal that lasted about two seconds before everything went back to silence.

His digits returned to his chassis, retracing his previous marks digging even deeper marks on his frame. How he wanted to pry his spark from its chamber, rip it out and join his lost lover, claw it apart while it sat in his chest until he suffered from severe energon loss and spark damage. He wanted to stop the pain, the longing, the hurt, the many negative emotions that all flooded from his spark, so many terrible emotions that left Knockout unable to think past the pain.

Energon trailed down his red paint, trying to reach an unknown destination but before it had a chance to fall from the hood of his chassis, the energon dried, losing its glow by the second. His fingers still remained stuck halfway in, halfway out of his metals.

He was mad at himself for not telling Breakdown that he loved him, mad at whoever had taken the mech from him, mad at everyone else for not even caring a retro-rats aft.

He loathed himself, and he didn't quite know why. He felt, like complete scrap.

He wanted to offline.

He still held onto the hope that maybe, just maybe Breakdown wasn't gone. There was no body, no proof that he had truly passed on, could he be out there? Lost and alone? Injured? Dying? Captured?

His spark twisted. No... It would be better to think of the mech offlined then suffering, but he still clung to it, that one sliver of hope.

"**Starscream to Knockout, come in!"**

The voice was so abrupt in his audios that he jerked up, slamming his helm against the top of the berth, he grunted in pain, the quick motion caused his processor to ached painfully, he reached up with energon stained hands to rub his head, the medic rebooted his vocalizer, taking a few deep breaths, trying to hide the shake in his voice.

"Knockout here, what do you need?"

Knockout held back the small bit of excitement that seemed to worm its way through the negative emotions, excitement that was one of two things. One; They had found Breakdown's body. Two; they found Breakdown- Alive.

"**Primus you sound like scrap, Megatron wishes to speak to in the control room, and please, don't keep him waiting. He's in a foul mood.**"

With that the line cut, and all hope vanished. Megatron was going to send him out on another one of his retrieval missions for Shockwave's Predacon bones.

Reluctantly, Knockout stood up from the floor, grabbing a rag on the way out the medbay doors to wipe any trace of coolant from his face and energon from his frame. No one needed to see him like that, as far as they knew, he didn't care about Breakdown's death at all.

His steps slowed, Primus, how could he think that? Breakdown meant more to him than anything! Surely the others could have seen it? Knockout had made it no secret to the others that he had once held affection for the brute. He even remembered bragging to a group of vehicons in his medbay once as he fixed them that Breakdown would be his sparkmate by the end of the war.

...would he have been?

He shook his helm violently, shooing the thoughts away, he didn't need to morn Breakdown now, not here, not in view of everyone.

Quickening his steps, Knockout tossed the used up rag at a random Vehicon as he walked by. He didn't have a mirror with him, so he couldn't tell if he had gotten all the blue stains from his plaiting, he could only hope he had.

The doors to the control room hissed open as Knockout made a last attempt to get himself under control, offlining his optics, raising his helm up, clenching and unclenching his fists to get rid of access tension.

"What do you need my lord?" Knockout said as cheerfully as he could, forcing all those negative emotions as far back in his spark as he could.

Knockout passed a few drones whose visors seemed to linger on the medics frame longer than they should have. Knockout simply scowled at the inferior Decepticons and tossed his head to the side, paying no mind.

"Ah Knockout, nice of you to finally appear from behind the medbays doors..." Megatron hummed, tuning around, giving the medic a once-over, an optic ridge cocked, showing that yes, he could see the scratches that stood out like Energon on a black canvas on Knockout's frame, but he made no comment.

"My apologies, my lord, I've been busy."

Megatron did not question the medic, simply turned to his third in command and nodded, the large screen before them flashed on playing a humans video clip.

"Shockwave's been researching the human's internet for any signs of Predacon bones, and as you see here, he has found one. Soundwave?" A sharp click was heard as the video played, two humans came into view, both female, one was showing off what Knockout could only guess was the Predacon bone while the other stood stock- still as if afraid of the camera, beside the other femme.

"_Isn't it sweet lookin'?_" The blogger said, picking it up, the screen flashed, she appeared in another part of the room, flashed again, and the bone was suddenly before the screen, they were speaking, but Knockout paid no mind to the details. He knew little about flash blogs, but just from the looks of it, he didn't like them. They were too quick, how was anyone supposed to get information from something that only lasted a minute and never stayed still?

"Knockout, I need you to pay these girls a visit... retrieve the bone, any means necessary, but try not to cause to much of a distraction, we don't need the Autobots showing up out of nowhere like they always seem to do." Megatron groaned, letting his head fall to the side as he rolled his optics.

Knockout smiled, but it failed to reach his optics. Any means? Was Lord Megatron cutting him some slack for Breakdown's death? Did he feel bad? It had to be one of those, because in all honesty, when the frag would Megatron let him do whatever he wanted to get something?

With a nod, all thoughts of Breakdown disappearing completely, well, almost completely and he stepped through the bridge Soundwave had opened up.

* * *

Once the bridge closed behind the medic, Megatron attempted to turn back to his work, when a sly voice spoke out from behind him.

"Does he seem, different lately my lord?" Starscream asked, hands folded behind his back as he strode to his lord's side to peer at the screen before them.

"Yes, he does. A death can do that to a person, even a Decepticon." There was no remorse or guilt in the warlord's voice.

Content with the answer Starscream made a noise of agreement, tilting his helm and up, looking at his lord from a new angle. "Are you giving Knockout sympathy, my lord? It doesn't seem like you." Starscream said, his tone honeyed, wings wiggling cheekily.

Megatron chuckled deeply, one of his famous dangerous smirks playing on his lip plates, he looked down at his second in command. "It's not Sympathy, just a break. The longer he's gone, the better." Megatron said raucously, turning around to make his way towards the doors to exit, Starscream keeping a steady pace behind him. "After all." Megatron trilled tossing his head to the side in a sassy manner. "We wouldn't want him here while we... incinerate that traitor's body now would we?"

Starscream smirked, his denta scraping his lip plate. "Of course not, Lord Megatron." Starscream buttered bitterly while the warlord gave him a knowing, greedy smirk, both continuing towards the exit.

"You have been good today." Megatron commented, his voice fading off in the distance. "Perhaps I can see to your... Wing problem hmm?"

Any reply was cut off by the click of the control rooms' door shutting behind them and they were to engrossed in their conversation, completely unaware of the third in commands' mask aimed at their backs as they left.

With no sound, not even a scruff of metal against metal, the communications officer turned back to his monitor, his fingers hovering over the keys for just a second, before resuming his work.

* * *

When was the last time he said he had actually enjoyed himself? Days ago? Never expected a mission to be so... Fun. Well, it wouldn't have been if Megatron didn't give him the 'no rules' rule. He'd say, driving into a suburban town, speeding, radio up as loud as it could go, was fun, but transforming mid-air in front of EVERYONE, tearing the house to shreds, flicking a human, and getting the bone, was the cherry on the top.

Thanks to the mission, Knockout had forgotten about the pain in his spark, if only just for a little while.

In fact, the medic had so much fun demolishing human houses, getting his anger out, that he actually forgot Breakdown was... gone.

The minute he stepped through the ground bridge Knockout looked up expecting Breakdown to be there to congratulate him on his mission, the smile he had once on his face melted into a snarl. He alone, well, almost alone, Soundwave was there, just standing like he always had. He was becoming increasingly angry with himself from how upset he always seemed to get while in the Nemesis.

Growling to himself Knockout walked over to the still mech, dropping the bone onto the control board, he didn't want to walk all the way to Shockwave's Lab. And truthfully, Shockwave freaked him out to a whole new level. Seriously, who has only one optic and no visible mouth? It was just downright creepy.

"Get Shockwave to come and pick it up." Knockout spoke to Soundwave as he turned around and began walking towards the door. "I'm not walking all the way down there-"

"Knockout: hurting."

The voice was so abrupt, so out of place that it startled the medic into pausing his steps, his processor stalled. Was that? No... But who else could it have been? Soundwave was the only other mech in the control room besides himself, pit, Soundwave never left the control room; did he even have berth room? Or did he recharge here, standing up? ... _Did he even recharge?_

He was getting way off track.

"Excuse me?" The medic sneered, turning around expecting to meet the ever present blank stare of Soundwave's face mask, but his optics only connected to the sleek form of Soundwave's back.

"Knockout: hurting. Easy to see." The communications officer said, his back still turned to Knockout, his body didn't move when he spoke, which was weird. Soundwave's voice creepily toned in a way that he showed absolutely no emotion what-so-ever.

"What? Of course not!" Knockout defended, throwing his hands back for show, it was then when the purple mech turned to face the medic, the black mask flashed something but it was so brief Knockout wasn't sure it was there at all. Knockout crossed his arms over his chassis, a look that clearly said 'not lying' on his face but the notion only seemed to fuel Soundwave's theory, because the mech stepped from his signature spot, nodded once and strode forewords towards the medic.

"Knockout: has scratches. Knockout: never has scratches." Soundwave intoned, pointing to the marks on his chassis.

Wow, he actually noticed? Shocker. He guessed it was a curse that Soundwave was so good at observing, and it pretty much just fragged him over, yup. Why couldn't he just leave him alone?

"Oh these?" Knockout replied nervously, gesturing to the claw marks on his chassis where he had previously dug his digits into. "I got these while off getting that relic, I'll buff them out right now!" The medic turned to beat a hasty retreat, when Soundwave again spoke up from behind him, making him once again, stop in his tracks. Soundwave's voice was something else; no emotion, yet, it was still there, quiet. Subdued, but there WAS emotion in that voice, it was just hard to point out.

"Knockout: liar. Observation: marks there before Knockout left for the relic. Knockout: hurting. Reason: Breakdown?"

There it was; that name. The name that seemed to shoot down all his walls and they came crumbling down at his pedes, his optics dulled as the emotions he tried so hard to store away beat viscously against his spark. He was suddenly deaf, only able to hear the raw, pleading screams of his hammering spark as it begged him to find Breakdown. To complete the bond.

His hand shot to his spark chamber as sharp pain struck him and he winced, hissed then decided that he hated himself even more. How could he be so weak?

He took a long deep vent, dropping his servo to his side, fixing his face into a deadpan look that slowly slid into a frown as he spoke.

"Breakdown? No! Why would I be hurting because of him? Absurd, mech, completely absurd!" He was babbling, he tended to do that when caught red handed, but oh, he wanted to get the frag out of there, he didn't like where this was going, not one bit. Why would Soundwave, off all cons, be the one to notice? If Knockout ended up spilling his spark out to the mech, which, at this point would probably happen, Soundwave would most likely videotape it for his own amusement or to broadcast it on every monitor in the Nemesis, maybe even go as far as to the Autobot base as well.

"Query: Why does Knockout lie?" Soundwave asked as softly as his voice code would allow, continuing his steps towards the medic. Knockout, who became readily discomforted by the increasing closeness, backed up until his back hit the far wall of the control room, he thought that Soundwave was going to use his feelers, forcefully connect to him and pry through his mind to find the answer, but he only stopped a respectful distance away, hands resting at his sides, helm held mid-height, his trademark stance.

"I'm not lying..." Oh Primus, he was lying, was it so easy to see? Was the word 'lying' floating above his head like a billboard? Blinking? Screaming 'Look at me?'

"I _am_ lying..." Knockout breathed to himself so quietly he didn't even know he spoke the words out loud. He looked down from the mech before him, staring at the metal ground. He didn't need Soundwave's sympathy. He didn't need anyone's sympathy, how was he supposed to forget Breakdown if everyone kept mentioning his name while he was around? Was it a test? To see if he truly cared?

Well good job! It worked! Now he was fighting the coolant tears again, only this time he wasn't alone, Soundwave was there, staring at him like Knockout, well, he could have been staring, it was impossible to tell Soundwave's emotions when he always wore that pit-spawned computer screen on his face.

If Soundwave were human, the mech would be president of the technology club, with his face stuffed so far into a laptop screen every Primus dammed day that his co-workers would start wondering if he even had a face at all.

"It's none of your concern." Knockout replied lowly before the third in command could speak, his voice on the edge a growl, yet wavering between tears. His shoulders slumped, he meant to turn around, to leave and willow in his depression by himself, but something stopped him, something deep in his spark. A thought: a question for some reason his processor wouldn't let him leave without asking it.

Taking a painfully slow vent, Knockout tilted his head down, and to the side, catching a glimpse of Soundwave in his peripheral vision. His servo came up to scrub at his faceplate, a rare show of just how much it was getting to him.

The words he spoke came out defeated and graver then Knockout would have liked.

"Why do you care?"

The response from Soundwave was so quick Knockout hardly finished his sentence before the telepath was speaking.

"Soundwave: lacks care towards Knockout. Knockout: Only medic. Depression: hindering work. Conclusion: Risk to the Decepticon cause."

Well, that must have been the most Soundwave had ever said at once, up until now Knockout didn't even know the mech had a vocalizer. But what the communications officer said was a lie, he was still up on his work! He had no patients to work on though, how was he to work with no patients to work o_n?_

As if reading his mind Soundwave replied. "Soundwave: has seen Knockout's activities while inside the medbay. Realization: Knockout is depressed. Soundwave: wants to help."

Knockout's optic ridge twitched oddly as he was overcome with a wild surge of '_what the frag_?' He stepped to the side, ducking his helm trying to keep Soundwave from seeing his short malfunction.

"Uh..."

"Soundwave: Can help." That's when Knockout's optics snapped up to Soundwave's visor, rage boiled in his spark and he had no clue where the sudden anger came from, or why it was there all he knew was that he couldn't control it.

Knockout's engine snarled as the medic stepped closer, Soundwave think he needed help? Did he think Knockout weak? Did he look weak? He paused, looking down at himself, if he could see his face, he would have seen a tired outlook, his white faceplates streaked with hardened coolant, his paint job looked normal, but duller for Knockout's standards...

Better not answer that question, because at that moment he DID look weak. He didn't let that thought deter him, however, allowed it to fuel his next words.

"I don't need help, so why don't you just go back to shoving your faceplate into that screen?"

He spun around, his engine still slightly growling, servos balling into fists, he strolled to the doors, he waited for the hiss of the doors to open, but nothing came, his lips curled up on a sneer

He Crossed his arms over his chassis, staring at the doors he knew wouldn't open and he pit well knew who the frag stalled the doors.

"Locking me in now are we?" The medic growled, finally turning around to shoot daggers at Soundwave's helm.

"Breakdown: with Knockout" Soundwave said, walking over causally to Knockout who again, sidestepped away from the intimidating mech, was he trying to be comforting? The medic looked ready to protest, but was shocked into silence as the communications officer filled the rather large gap between them and lifted a long, metal finger, he placed it on the side of Knockout's helm.

"Breakdown: Here." He then lifted another finger, keeping the one on his helm in place. And set it down on his chassis, between his headlights, right above his spark, oddly careful of the gashes there. Soundwave looked up from his hands, keeping them in place, and said softly, a tone Knockout never knew the mech could use.

"And here."

Knockout was stunned, he couldn't form words, he was left to stare down at where Soundwave's fingers still lingered, but for some reason he wasn't at all discomforted by the touches, rather, he didn't mind their presence on his body at all, unlike mere minuets ago when he wanted to be as far away from the mech as possible.

Knockout didn't know what he was doing, but he did it before he could think, he actually leaned into the touch on his helm, but Soundwave quickly pulled away with both hands as if the medic had burned him.

"Confession." Soundwave sighed, causing Knockout to snap his helm up, optics meeting the black tint of the others mask. "Soundwave: has never loved another... But Soundwave: has lost..."

Soundwave cut himself off, and

Although Knockout could not see Soundwave's optics, he could tell by the far off tone of his voice that the mechs optics were undoubtedly dim, squinted to see through the fog in his processor, lost in his own words, Soundwave's helm tilted down in remembrance, Knockout never thought he would see Soundwave, of all mechs, look so vulnerable. Then Soundwave servo reached up, his digits brushing across the recharging Laserbeak attached to his chassis, Knockout knew at once.

"Your symbionts..." The medic breathed, baffled that the lone mech was opening himself up, he understood now why the communications officer had looked so hurt, even when Knockout couldn't see his optics.

Soundwave was silent for a time, as if looking for the words to say, he continued to pet the metallic bird absently with his thumb, who in return purred happily against her masters chassis, and when finally he spoke, it sounded as if he was testing the words as they left his lips.

"Theory: ...Correct, Ravage, Rumble, Frenzy, Buzzsaw: Offline... Laserbeak: Only survivor." Knockout didn't know what to say, he wanted to reach out and comfort the mech as he most likely relived his creations deaths before his optics, but At that moment he felt greedy. he was here, depressed because he lost Breakdown, a mech who never even knew of his love, a mech Who was never his sparkmate, he never felt real pain, it was all a fragment of his imagination, but to lose a symbiont... It's like losing part of yourself.

"symbionts: Important to Soundwave. Breakdown: Important to Knockout. Soundwave: holds great fondness for all creations. Love: runs deeper than any energon mine, even when they are deceased." A pause. "Knockout: understands?"

"I, I think..." Knockout babbled, searching desperately for words. He felt horrible for trying to get away from the mech now, it seemed the communications officer just wanted someone to talk to, and dare he admit it, Knockout needed someone to talk to, too. Soundwave had lost so much more than he had.

"Soundwave... I'm... I'm so sorry to- I just feel so-"

Soundwave shook his helm sorrowfully, making the Austin Martin's jaw snap closed, biting off any word he was about to say. The purple mech did something Knockout couldn't even comprehend, He took Knockout's hand in his own, the long slender digits wrapping around his bulkier metals, squeezing softly as the telepath looked down to his servo, as if surprised himself in the friendly action.

Using his other hand, Soundwave reached up to his helm, Knockout thought he had a comm. at first, but was left slack jawed as Soundwave opened himself up- completely.

Pressing a button, Soundwave's mask retreated into the sides of his helm, revealing bright purple, red rimmed optics, Knockout's optics didn't trail over his smooth, dark faceplates, no they didn't freeze on his thin lip plates or optic ridges that were the equally thin, they locked on his optics, which were filled with so much understanding Knockout couldn't look anywhere else, and he found himself unable to look away.

"Knockout: not alone. Never alone." Soundwave breathed so quietly, Knockout had to strain to hear him, said mech didn't have the spark to not believe those words, spoken with so much emotion, he didn't have the spark because Soundwave also spoke them so deeply, so truthfully.

"Soundwave: can sympathize." He continued, his gaze never wavering, Knockout respectfully held the mechs optics, he himself unable to look away. Trapped by the... was that, _care_ not so hidden inside them?

"Breakdown: Apart of Knockout, like Laserbeak is a part of me"

Knockout finally broke the eye contact, servos glued to his side, balling into fists as he forced himself to vent. Something inside the medic snapped, he growled.

"But... He's… He's not here! You have Laserbeak, she's with you! Breakdown's gone, GONE and he's not coming back."

He snapped his jaws closed so fast it hurt, Soundwave didn't shrink back from Knockout's outburst, feeling like slag now. "Oh, oh Soundwave." He whispered, optics squinted, mouth slightly agape.

"How... How can you cope?" Knockout's voice broke at the end, causing him to reboot his vocalizer, coolant for both himself and Soundwave threatening to break lose. Why was he so emotional? He had never been like this, Breakdown's... death had affected him more then he first realized. Neither he didn't realize he had been looking at his pedes until a single digit sought out his chin, lifting it up to once again meet Soundwave's glowing violet optics, he couldn't find the strength to look away, and he couldn't stop the blue coolant tears that pooled at the corners of his optics. Rolling down his white faceplate traveling to his chin, leaving a fluorescent teal glow in their wake.

Soundwave didn't seem to mind the loss of self-control as he himself kept himself from mirroring the medic; thoughts of his lost creations coming back full force.

"Soundwave:-" the purple mech choked out, exasperated on how hurt he sounded, he tried to hide his emotions in a deadpan look, but that faltered horribly. "Soundwave: Remembers who they were, what they had done..."

Soundwave seemed to collect himself, removing his hand from Knockout's face setting his servo atop his other hand which was still holding Knockout's.

"Inquiry: Knockout cares for Breakdown?" Knockout looked hurt by this, pulling his hand away to set to his spark, voice brimming on the verge of tears and anger.

"Why... Of course I do! That's the reason why I'm speaking to-"

"Breakdown: cared for Knockout?" Soundwave monotoned, cutting off the rest of Knockout's sentence. Knockout's shoulders deflated, his optics narrowing with confusion.

"Well... Yes! At least I... I think he did..." There he goes again, the familiar sting in his spark as it reached out for a mech that was no longer there, it was the emptiness that followed which triggered those tears, and there they were, right on cue, slipping down his face after their successors before them.

Soundwave vented, taking Knockout's hand once again, interlocking his scrawny digits with Knockout's own.

"Breakdown: would not want you to suffer. Knockout: needs to remember, not hide." Soundwave finally broke his everlasting gaze, staring down at the ground, his hand tightened, both were struck with a silence that ate them both from the inside out, the darkness returned to coil around them both as thoughts of the lost lives struck them like a well-aimed blaster.

Knockout never thought about Soundwave's lost creations, he had known, tried to fix them, but after the mech had left the medbay, The medic never thought on it again, back then, Knockout had only cared for himself alone, never had he thought Soundwave was hurting, Soundwave didn't have anyone to help him with his creations death. He hid his feelings well, and for that Knockout thought he was an advanced drone. Until now...

In return, Soundwave never knew Breakdown well, never stopped to really look at the mech, to him, the battle ready wrecker was just another worker for Megatron, and never did he think that his death would impact anyone, he never thought anyone could hurt so badly from a death like he had.

The control rooms lights seemed to flicker above them, snapping them both back into reality, this time, it was Knockout found it hard to stand but he spoke, his voice void of its usual smugness.

"I guess we're both hurting..." Soundwave merely nodded, his hand tightening showing Knockout that no, he wasn't alone.

"But." Soundwave added, his usual dialect gone, he searched Knockout's optics before the least thing Knockout expected to happen, happened.

Soundwave smiled.

It was an inviting, toothy smile, one that showed off his sharp K-9s and lifted his optics, which in return, lifted Knockout's spark, causing himself to smile although he didn't quite know why.

"We are in this together." Soundwave said, his smile brooding. Knockout could only nod in agreement.

"Yeah." Knockout sighed out. He felt the darkness that plagued him the last two days lift from his shoulders a little, and at that moment he was glad that he stopped to look back at Soundwave instead of walking away.

Knockout squeezed Soundwave's hand, they could get through it together, they had both lost, neither had someone to turn to.

"We are."

Who knew Soundwave would be the mech to finally help him break through the darkness?

* * *

_If you asked me how I'm doin' I'd say just fine._

_But the truth is baby, if you could read my mind._

_Not a day goes by that I don't think of you._

_After all this time,_

_You're still with me it's true._

_Somehow you remain locked so deep inside~_

_Baby, baby, Oh baby. Not a day goes by._

_~Not a day goes by- Lonestar._

**End.**

**EA/N: How was It? I spent a lot of time on this, and had a lot of help from a few of my friends (Storylady and Everon Prime) to complete it, and as you can see from that little Megatron/Starscream bit that there IS a spot for a continuation, but that all depends on you guys. **

**Thank you for reading!**

**-ThemSoundWaves**


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